Notice of Cybersecurity Incident

Tom Blog Banner

Recov­ery is Pos­si­ble: Tom’s Story

Tom Fled­der­man, Ken­neth Young Center’s Drop-In Recov­ery Sup­port Spe­cial­ist Team Lead, under­stands first-hand that peer sup­port can be a cru­cial sup­port sys­tem for peo­ple liv­ing in recov­ery with men­tal health chal­lenges. In hon­or of Nation­al Recov­ery Month, he shares his per­son­al jour­ney through recovery. 

Please note that some of the painful expe­ri­ences that Tom shares in his jour­nal­ing piece below may be upset­ting to read. Ken­neth Young Cen­ter is grate­ful to cre­ate this space for Tom to brave­ly share his per­son­al expe­ri­ence. At the same time, we rec­og­nize that read­ing about trau­ma can also cause trau­ma. Please take care of your­self, and read this jour­nal entry at your own discretion.

Thank you, Tom, for your ongo­ing com­mit­ment to your own well­ness, and to the clients that you serve each day. We are proud to cel­e­brate your ded­i­ca­tion and all the work you do to sup­port recovery!

Tom’s Recov­ery Story

Tom

Tom shares his experience and emphasizes the powerful role that peer support can play in recovery.

Hi, my name is Tom Fled­der­man. At age 19, I was diag­nosed with major depres­sion with psy­chot­ic fea­tures and PTSD. Much lat­er in life, I was diag­nosed with schizoaf­fec­tive dis­or­der with depres­sion and PTSD. I guess the diag­no­sis is irrel­e­vant. Rel­e­vant is that for many years I have heard, in all my wak­ing hours dep­re­cat­ing voic­es that oth­ers do not hear, have suf­fered from debil­i­tat­ing and pro­longed depres­sions, and expe­ri­enced very real flash­backs to bru­tal sex­u­al abuse which took place over a peri­od of about 10 years while in grade school and high school. For most of my adult life, I thought recov­ery would con­sist of the ces­sa­tion of or at least sig­nif­i­cant relief from these symp­toms. For me, that nev­er hap­pened. I still hear voic­es that are not there when­ev­er I am awake. I still suf­fer from peri­ods of depres­sion, though I know how to mit­i­gate these. I still expe­ri­ence flash­backs that make it feel like I am being sex­u­al­ly abused again and again. For me recov­ery came when I found peer sup­port, grate­ful­ness, and, hope. My recov­ery has become the abil­i­ty to co-exist with my symp­toms while liv­ing a mean­ing­ful life filled with joy.

Until recent­ly, most of my adult life was a patch­work of being employed or not being employed but con­stant­ly filled with the search for the mag­ic pill, doc­tor, or ther­a­pist who would make my symp­toms all go away. I worked in church­es, as a teacher of chem­istry and physics, with adults with devel­op­men­tal dis­abil­i­ties, and as a chemist. I spent almost as much time, not work­ing, most­ly lan­guish­ing in bed. I went from psy­chi­a­trist to psy­chi­a­trist, try­ing all of the newest and most promis­ing med­i­cines. I looked for the ther­a­pist who would give” me the insight to make it all bet­ter. I was in psy­chi­atric hos­pi­tals for extend­ed stays at least 40 or 50 times. Some­how, in the midst of all this I got mar­ried and had 2 chil­dren. Yes there were moments of joy, mean­ing, and hope in my life, but they were fleet­ing. Most­ly, I was obsessed with the idea that the only thing that would make me hap­py was for the voic­es to go away, the depres­sion to cease to exist, and nev­er to expe­ri­ence a flash­back again.

Recovery square

My recov­ery bud­ded and then bloomed with the intro­duc­tion of peer sup­port into my life. Per­haps it had its birth­place in NAMI Con­nec­tion meet­ings – peer led meet­ings where per­sons with men­tal ill­ness­es share their expe­ri­ences, get feed­back from oth­ers, and also give feed­back to oth­ers. Here, I heard some peo­ple tell sto­ries of liv­ing with men­tal ill­ness and lead­ing very ful­fill­ing and mean­ing­ful lives. I began to have hope that I could do the same. It was in these NAMI Con­nec­tion meet­ings, that I was able to see the incred­i­ble pow­er of grate­ful­ness. I began to jour­nal the things I was grate­ful for – large and small. I had the love of my wife (of 30 years now) and my two grow­ing chil­dren. I was grate­ful for the full sup­port of my father, broth­er, and sis­ters – espe­cial­ly my old­est sis­ter, Lau­ra. I was thank­ful for my strong mind and the advanced edu­ca­tion that had been afford­ed me. I was start­ing to believe that maybe, despite the many set­backs, I was expe­ri­enc­ing, that my life was full and was meaningful.

Then a spe­cial kind of peer sup­port came into my life, that of the Cer­ti­fied Recov­ery Sup­port Spe­cial­ist. I don’t know why, per­haps it was through the grace of God, but a num­ber of such Recov­ery Sup­port Spe­cial­ists came into my life in a num­ber of places all at the same time. These are peo­ple who are spe­cial­ly trained to, as a way of help­ing oth­ers in their recov­ery, share parts or all of their recov­ery sto­ries. Many shared theirs with me. Their sto­ries and their (and per­haps some of my own) insight helped me see that I could live a full and mean­ing­ful life despite the symp­toms I was expe­ri­enc­ing. Maybe these symp­toms did not need to go away for me to live a good life. Now, I want­ed to do what these Cer­ti­fied Recov­ery Sup­port Spe­cial­ists were doing. I want­ed to share my sto­ry as a way of help­ing oth­ers move through their recov­ery. About six months lat­er Ken­neth Young Cen­ter gave me the oppor­tu­ni­ty to start that process. They gave me a very part-time job as a Recov­ery Sup­port Spe­cial­ist. I worked hard to learn what it takes to become cer­ti­fied. I stud­ied hard. I went to many con­fer­ences and sem­i­nars. To gain expe­ri­ence, I worked as many hours at KYC as they became avail­able. Approx­i­mate­ly two years lat­er I earned my CRSS (Cer­ti­fied Recov­ery Sup­port Spe­cial­ist) Cre­den­tial and became the Drop-In’s Team Lead. I had, over time cre­at­ed mean­ing in my life. I too was help­ing oth­ers by shar­ing my recov­ery story…and more.

I con­sid­er my recov­ery a work in progress. I still see a ther­a­pist and a psy­chi­a­trist, but most of all, I am sure to seek a healthy dose of peer support.

2020 RM Facebook Image 12 2 192

Tom highlights how the connections he has made have supported his own recovery journey, as well as the journeys of others.

Resources

If you are look­ing for sup­port in recov­ery, or if you are fac­ing a men­tal health chal­lenge, you are not alone. 

KYC offers a num­ber of resources for recov­ery both for men­tal health and sub­stance use dis­or­ders. Click here to check out some of the resources that we offer. Call 8475248800 to learn more.

KYC is also sup­ports the Illi­nois Call4Calm line. Any­one in the state of Illi­nois who is seek­ing emo­tion­al sup­port can text TALK to 552020 for Eng­lish or HABLAR for Span­ish to be con­nect­ed with a coun­selor who is famil­iar with the resources in your local area. This ser­vice is avail­able 24 hours a day and is free, although mes­sage and data rates may apply.


Previous Article Next Article
You're Not Alone

Half
of us will expe­ri­ence some form of men­tal ill­ness in our lifetime

Get Involved

How You Can Help

Keep up to date with KYC!

Get the latest Kenneth Young Center news and insights emailed to you each month. Just complete the form below to subscribe.