Notice of Cybersecurity Incident

Male friends

Mas­culin­i­ty and Social­iza­tion: Tips for Build­ing Adult Relationships

Rebecca O

Rebecca joined KYC's Team in July 2017 as an Adult Therapist supporting individuals, couples, and families.

By, Rebe­caa Ogle, MSWLCSW

Over the past cou­ple of years, I’ve noticed a con­cern­ing trend amongst men in their 20’s and 30’s: Social isolation. 

Five to ten years after high school, many peo­ple have lost touch with their friends from school. There are few places to meet friends as an adult out­side of the work­place. Many folks with dis­abil­i­ties can’t work, so they don’t even have that has a poten­tial source of connection. 

Social con­nec­tion is essen­tial to our men­tal and phys­i­cal health. Research indi­cates that lone­li­ness can increase stress and depres­sion. A ten-year research review even indi­cat­ed that folks with low social sup­port have increased risk of poor prog­no­sis in heart conditions.

It’s true that it’s hard to meet peo­ple. Part­ly that’s envi­ron­men­tal, but part­ly, it’s emo­tion­al. It’s intim­i­dat­ing to approach some­one new, to strike up a con­ver­sa­tion and risk rejec­tion… espe­cial­ly for men. Start­ing in child­hood, men are taught that show­ing vul­ner­a­bil­i­ty makes them a sis­sy.’ Even if you con­scious­ly dis­agree with that mes­sage, it’s dif­fi­cult to over­come when it’s so infused into our culture.

If you’re inter­est­ed in meet­ing new peo­ple, but aren’t sure where to start, here are a few tips:

  1. Fre­quent the same places. It’s less intim­i­dat­ing to chat with peo­ple who rec­og­nize you, and who you rec­og­nize. Try going to the library, the gym, the gro­cery, or a cof­fee shop; ide­al­ly, around the same days and times. Peo­ple are crea­tures of habit, and you’re more like­ly to see the same peo­ple if you get on a con­sis­tent schedule.
  2. Com­ment on the obvi­ous and neu­tral. How bout this weath­er?” or Wow, it’s hot/​cold/​busy/​quiet in here today!” are two good options. 
  3. Gauge the inter­est of the per­son you’ve made your open­ing com­ment to. If they make eye con­tact, smile, and talk back, they may be open to con­vers­ing. If they avoid your eyes or say very lit­tle in response, take it as a hint that they don’t want to talk.
  4. Try not to take rejec­tion per­son­al­ly. Some­times peo­ple are hav­ing a bad day, or are just not in the mood to talk. 
  5. Ask ques­tions. When a con­ver­sa­tion stalls, ask the oth­er per­son a ques­tion. Keep it sur­face lev­el at first – How’s your day going?” works well, because it allows peo­ple to share as much or as lit­tle as they want to. 
  6. LIS­TEN and stay curi­ous. Ask fol­low-up ques­tions about what the oth­er per­son said. For instance, if some­one men­tions walk­ing their dog, ask what the dog’s name is.

Mas­culin­i­ty is a broad spec­trum. Men absolute­ly have the abil­i­ty to forge strong, emo­tion­al con­nec­tions with oth­ers; they just need the moti­va­tion and skills to do so.

Does this arti­cle remind you of your­self, or some­one you know? The Men-Pow­ered ther­a­py group at Ken­neth Young is designed to help men in their 20’s, 30’s and above nav­i­gate social inter­ac­tions grace­ful­ly, and learn how to make and main­tain mean­ing­ful friend­ships. It will also empow­er them to accept them­selves and oth­ers as they are.

If you’re inter­est­ed in join­ing this group, please e‑mail me: rebeccao@​kennethyoung.​org.


Previous Article Next Article
You're Not Alone

5.7 million
Amer­i­cans expe­ri­ence a men­tal health dis­or­der in a giv­en year.

Get Involved

How You Can Help

Keep up to date with KYC!

Get the latest Kenneth Young Center news and insights emailed to you each month. Just complete the form below to subscribe.